When Challenging Kids Become Understandable Again
Ceara Deno, MD • February 4, 2026
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When “Challenging” Kids Become Understandable Again
There is a quiet but profound moment that changes everything for parents.
It’s the moment you stop seeing your child as giving you a hard time and start seeing them as having a hard time.
Nothing about your child’s behavior has changed yet.
But you have.
And that shift is a gift—to both of you.
When a parent is stuck in the belief that their child is being difficult on purpose, something painful happens inside:
- Irritation replaces curiosity
- Correction replaces connection
- Hopelessness creeps in: “If they’re choosing this, what does that mean for the future?”
Your nervous system goes on high alert. You brace. You manage. You endure.
But when the lens changes—this is hard for my child—the entire emotional climate shifts.
You See Your Child Again
Suddenly, your child isn’t just the behavior.
You remember:
- Their humor
- Their sensitivity
- Their sweetness
- Their effort
The good isn’t erased by the hard anymore. It exists alongside it.
Many parents tell me, “I feel like I got my child back.”
In truth, their child was always there. The fear just softened enough to let love back in.
You Enjoy Them Again
When behavior is interpreted as distress instead of defiance, parents stop taking it personally.
That changes everything.
You’re no longer locked in a power struggle.
You’re no longer scanning for the next problem.
You can laugh again.
You can delight again.
You can be with your child instead of managing them.
Joy doesn’t require perfect behavior.
It requires safety—inside you first.
Hope Returns
This shift quietly restores hope.
Instead of:
“What if they’re always like this?”
You start thinking:
“They’re struggling right now—and struggles can be supported.”
A child who is having a hard time can grow, learn skills, and mature.
A child who is “just difficult” feels fixed—and that’s where despair lives.
Hope opens the door to patience.
Patience opens the door to change.
Empathy Expands—For Them and You
Seeing your child as struggling doesn’t make you permissive.
It makes you human.
You feel compassion for how hard it is to be a child with big feelings in a loud, demanding world.
And just as importantly—you soften toward yourself.
You stop thinking:
“Why can’t I handle this better?”
And start thinking:
“This is hard. For both of us.”
That self-empathy is regulating.
And a regulated parent is the most powerful intervention there is.
This lens doesn’t excuse harmful behavior.
It doesn’t remove boundaries.
It simply tells the truth.
Your child isn’t trying to make your life harder.
They’re trying to survive their inner world.
And when you see that clearly, everything—from discipline to connection—begins to change.
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